God's Magnificence

Last month I experienced something devestating I miscarried my second child. I was only around 5 weeks along and endured a week long bleeding and cramping session. It was far from fun and one of my greatest fears. I recently picked up where I left off in my study of Esther presented by the most fun and relatable Beth Moore. While listening to a segment on CD, I had some teachable thoughts. First was that I need to trust fully in God. Second was what Mary must've felt when Jesus was crusified on the cross. I felt pain both physically and emotionally during the miscarriage. (and still emotionally from time to time.) Yet Mary had to endure, after many years of seeing Jesus grow, seeing her son tortured beyond recognition. I'm sure she felt his pain as only a mother could. Some articles suggest that a mother starts bonding with her child as soon as she realizes that she is pregnant. I find that to be true. Although, Jesus' crusifixion and burial are very dark days, the thing we need to remember is that Jesus is alive! Can you imagine the joy that Mary felt when she realized he was alive? Those of us that have lost someone that we love (that knew God), can lean on the knowledge that they are in heaven with Jesus. Isn't God magnificent?!

Growth

This morning I was reminded, once again, that we can't do anything without God. I can guide my son and try to teach him what I think he should know, but without God it's just not going to happen. God entrusted me with him, but only He can truely teach him. My son is making such progress that after much prayer, fear, and hesitation, we've allowed him to be mainstreamed in sunday school with "a shadow" (an aide) to guide him when necessary. I followed up today's lesson at home. I could have taught it and he wouldn't have been receptive or understood anything I was saying, but I sought God first-asking Him to help our son understand the lesson. What was really awesome in all of this was that the lesson was something that my husband and I were struggling to make him understand-that lying is wrong. I've even read that what he's been doing is developmentally appropriate for someone around his age. That alone was an eye-opener. Wow, he's doing so well with his language that his lying is developmentally appropriate. Do I punish him or praise him? Of course we punish him at an age-approriate level, but we have to make sure he truely understands right from wrong -while we're secretly proud of him that he's at age level in this particular instance. So I praise God that he understood the lesson and I have knowledge in how to teach him to tell the truth. What an awesome God we serve!

Apprehension

Our little man had quite a morning today. I took him to his very first dental appointment. I had been dreading this day almost as much as he was anticipating the day. I did what any good mother would do to prepare a child, who happens to have autism, for the visit. I read him a story about "Brother and Sister Bear" going to the dentist. I even let him put the square magnet that says "Going to the Dentist" on his calendar so that he could count down the days and see when he would be going. Everything was going great. He was really excited and talking all about it...then the assistant called his name and everything went downhill. He suddenly had to use the restroom. So he did while they waited. Then we were escorted to a room so that they could take x-rays. He didn't want to sit in the chair. She finally got him comfortable when she introduced him to the x-ray vest. He didn't want anything to do with it. When he was finally settled with it, she showed him how to bite down on the x-ray strips. He strongly and verbally refused. So she gave up. Then we moved to another section to have his teeth cleaned. This was the part I was dreading the most. But before they even started, he sat in the chair then immediately jumped out. He was ready to bolt and didn't want anything more to do with the visit. He was done. He wanted to go home right then and there. I had to put my foot down and let him know that leaving was not an option. He had only two choices. He could sit in the chair like a big boy or he could sit on mommy's lap. That was it. He was getting his cleaning and check-up whether he liked it or not. This was important to his health and although he had the choice of not doing the x-rays, the rest of the appointment was going to happen.

So, he decided to sit like a big boy. They showed him what instrument they would use to clean his teeth and even let him hold it. He panicked. So an assistant was asked to come help...and hold his feet down when necessary. I held his arms on his lap and talked him into tolerable calm. He was still obviously nervous, but he relaxed some. I think the sound may bother him as much if not more than the feeling of the instrument spinning around on his teeth. He just does not tolerate foreign objects in his mouth. His speech therapist had recommended getting an electric toothbrush for him at one point for his sensory issues, but he screamed and refused at the time. He also has issues with the blender and vacuum cleaner as well. So I know the sound is at least part of the issue.

After much of him clamping his jaws together and them prying his mouth open...and even a little bit of him opening his mouth wide so that he could get the stickers they promised him...his teeth were cleaned. But, uh oh, we weren't done yet. They had to wipe flouride on and off his teeth so that he wouldn't swallow a lot of it. After some drooling and a tiny bit of trying to avoid it, he was done. They gave him the promised stickers and even let him pick out a ring from their treasure box. He picked a plastic spider ring.

Just when he thought he could leave, they told him that the doctor needed his help counting his teeth. Now our little man loves numbers. So he was just counting along without the doctor. Of course the doctor wanted to check his teeth with the mirror and pick, but they did their best to distract him by telling him it was time to count teeth. Again, he clamped his jaw shut and didn't want any of it. The dentist used the mirror and his hand to pry our little one's mouth open at times when our little guy didn't open it himself. When he was done, they gave him more stickers and lots of praise. And there ends our visit until six months later...*sigh*

Psalm 143:1 "O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief."

Highs and Lows

Each of us experience good emotions and bad emotions...highs and lows if you will. The good news is our little guy is moving to a new school next year that will enable him to learn at a higher level. The bad news is that he has to leave a school filled with people that we've grown to love.

As I continue to study the book of Esther, I'm reminded of Haman's personal highs and lows in chapter 5. He's just chugging along thinking that his life is grand and all of his desires are falling into place. Then he sees someone that he despises and all of his low or bad emotions such as fury and vengence come to the surface. His day is ruined.

How many times have we let circumstances dictate our emotions? As believers in Christ, aren't we called to deny our selves? Aren't we called to trust in our amazing Almighty God? These destructive emotions keep us from receiving the wonderful plans God has for us.

It is so easy at times for moms to reply in anger toward their children when they are frustrated, their children are behaving badly, and/or they are just having a bad day. I have learned that the only thing that anger gives us is a lot of hot air. Let's give ourselves communication with our God through prayer. We can't do anything without Him. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!