God's Amazing Love

Well, things have certainly changed a whole lot since my last post. God has certainly been working in my life. I've learned that prayer and trust in the Lord can lead to true healing. And I've learned that God is willing to give us the desires of our hearts when they align with his will for our lives. Psalm 34:18" The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." So four months later I find myself pregnant!!! Psalm 34:3-4 "Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

God's Magnificence

Last month I experienced something devestating I miscarried my second child. I was only around 5 weeks along and endured a week long bleeding and cramping session. It was far from fun and one of my greatest fears. I recently picked up where I left off in my study of Esther presented by the most fun and relatable Beth Moore. While listening to a segment on CD, I had some teachable thoughts. First was that I need to trust fully in God. Second was what Mary must've felt when Jesus was crusified on the cross. I felt pain both physically and emotionally during the miscarriage. (and still emotionally from time to time.) Yet Mary had to endure, after many years of seeing Jesus grow, seeing her son tortured beyond recognition. I'm sure she felt his pain as only a mother could. Some articles suggest that a mother starts bonding with her child as soon as she realizes that she is pregnant. I find that to be true. Although, Jesus' crusifixion and burial are very dark days, the thing we need to remember is that Jesus is alive! Can you imagine the joy that Mary felt when she realized he was alive? Those of us that have lost someone that we love (that knew God), can lean on the knowledge that they are in heaven with Jesus. Isn't God magnificent?!

Growth

This morning I was reminded, once again, that we can't do anything without God. I can guide my son and try to teach him what I think he should know, but without God it's just not going to happen. God entrusted me with him, but only He can truely teach him. My son is making such progress that after much prayer, fear, and hesitation, we've allowed him to be mainstreamed in sunday school with "a shadow" (an aide) to guide him when necessary. I followed up today's lesson at home. I could have taught it and he wouldn't have been receptive or understood anything I was saying, but I sought God first-asking Him to help our son understand the lesson. What was really awesome in all of this was that the lesson was something that my husband and I were struggling to make him understand-that lying is wrong. I've even read that what he's been doing is developmentally appropriate for someone around his age. That alone was an eye-opener. Wow, he's doing so well with his language that his lying is developmentally appropriate. Do I punish him or praise him? Of course we punish him at an age-approriate level, but we have to make sure he truely understands right from wrong -while we're secretly proud of him that he's at age level in this particular instance. So I praise God that he understood the lesson and I have knowledge in how to teach him to tell the truth. What an awesome God we serve!

Apprehension

Our little man had quite a morning today. I took him to his very first dental appointment. I had been dreading this day almost as much as he was anticipating the day. I did what any good mother would do to prepare a child, who happens to have autism, for the visit. I read him a story about "Brother and Sister Bear" going to the dentist. I even let him put the square magnet that says "Going to the Dentist" on his calendar so that he could count down the days and see when he would be going. Everything was going great. He was really excited and talking all about it...then the assistant called his name and everything went downhill. He suddenly had to use the restroom. So he did while they waited. Then we were escorted to a room so that they could take x-rays. He didn't want to sit in the chair. She finally got him comfortable when she introduced him to the x-ray vest. He didn't want anything to do with it. When he was finally settled with it, she showed him how to bite down on the x-ray strips. He strongly and verbally refused. So she gave up. Then we moved to another section to have his teeth cleaned. This was the part I was dreading the most. But before they even started, he sat in the chair then immediately jumped out. He was ready to bolt and didn't want anything more to do with the visit. He was done. He wanted to go home right then and there. I had to put my foot down and let him know that leaving was not an option. He had only two choices. He could sit in the chair like a big boy or he could sit on mommy's lap. That was it. He was getting his cleaning and check-up whether he liked it or not. This was important to his health and although he had the choice of not doing the x-rays, the rest of the appointment was going to happen.

So, he decided to sit like a big boy. They showed him what instrument they would use to clean his teeth and even let him hold it. He panicked. So an assistant was asked to come help...and hold his feet down when necessary. I held his arms on his lap and talked him into tolerable calm. He was still obviously nervous, but he relaxed some. I think the sound may bother him as much if not more than the feeling of the instrument spinning around on his teeth. He just does not tolerate foreign objects in his mouth. His speech therapist had recommended getting an electric toothbrush for him at one point for his sensory issues, but he screamed and refused at the time. He also has issues with the blender and vacuum cleaner as well. So I know the sound is at least part of the issue.

After much of him clamping his jaws together and them prying his mouth open...and even a little bit of him opening his mouth wide so that he could get the stickers they promised him...his teeth were cleaned. But, uh oh, we weren't done yet. They had to wipe flouride on and off his teeth so that he wouldn't swallow a lot of it. After some drooling and a tiny bit of trying to avoid it, he was done. They gave him the promised stickers and even let him pick out a ring from their treasure box. He picked a plastic spider ring.

Just when he thought he could leave, they told him that the doctor needed his help counting his teeth. Now our little man loves numbers. So he was just counting along without the doctor. Of course the doctor wanted to check his teeth with the mirror and pick, but they did their best to distract him by telling him it was time to count teeth. Again, he clamped his jaw shut and didn't want any of it. The dentist used the mirror and his hand to pry our little one's mouth open at times when our little guy didn't open it himself. When he was done, they gave him more stickers and lots of praise. And there ends our visit until six months later...*sigh*

Psalm 143:1 "O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief."

Highs and Lows

Each of us experience good emotions and bad emotions...highs and lows if you will. The good news is our little guy is moving to a new school next year that will enable him to learn at a higher level. The bad news is that he has to leave a school filled with people that we've grown to love.

As I continue to study the book of Esther, I'm reminded of Haman's personal highs and lows in chapter 5. He's just chugging along thinking that his life is grand and all of his desires are falling into place. Then he sees someone that he despises and all of his low or bad emotions such as fury and vengence come to the surface. His day is ruined.

How many times have we let circumstances dictate our emotions? As believers in Christ, aren't we called to deny our selves? Aren't we called to trust in our amazing Almighty God? These destructive emotions keep us from receiving the wonderful plans God has for us.

It is so easy at times for moms to reply in anger toward their children when they are frustrated, their children are behaving badly, and/or they are just having a bad day. I have learned that the only thing that anger gives us is a lot of hot air. Let's give ourselves communication with our God through prayer. We can't do anything without Him. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!

Gifts

Our Lord has uniquely created each of us with certain aptitudes or gifts. (Romans 12:6) I'm not yet sure what his spritual gift is, (could be encouragement-he hates to see anyone upset), but I know that our son loves numbers and can do mathematics far beyond his same-aged peers. No matter what season we are in our lives, our gifts can be used for someone. It could be an immediate family member, a friend, an accquaintance, a stranger, or a group of either of these. Don't forget that whatever your gift may be and whomever it may bless, you are serving the Lord not man. If you don't know what your spiritual gift is, look for a book with a test at your local christian bookstore.

Fear

We've been blessed that our son hadn't been really sick until over a week ago. For the first time, I experienced seeing what influenza and pneumonia simultaneously does to a young child. He seemed so strong despite his quietness. I was completely surprised at the doctor's conclusion because I was expecting to be told that it was just a cold and I knew what to do. When you have a child with autism who doesn't know how to communicate how he's feeling and has such a high tolerance for pain...is so very strong...it really makes you wonder if you're being an overprotective mom or your instincts are correct. Sure I can ask him how he's feeling, but he'll just repeat my question back to me. I could ask him if his throat hurts, yet even if it does, he tells me "no". This child can be so difficult to care for! So, after leaving the doctor's office and communicating to my husband, I did the first thing that came natural to me...the one thing that would keep my fear away...I asked my friends and family to pray for him.

In Esther 3 , the Jewish people were reminded of who they were and what God had done for them despite what was going on and what they were feeling. I know who I am and what God has done for me. Do you?

Qualities

I was recently prompted to list three qualities that best describe my son. It was very difficult for me to list only three. I could've made a very long list. A person's qualities are very revealing. They tell us about character and behavior. They could be positive or negative. I described my son as joyful and have told people, since the day he was born, that if he was a girl I would've had to name him Joy. Despite his, now occasional, lack of eye contact he's always been a generally happy, content child. Communication was difficult and frustrating for him, but he always exibited fairly good body language. This body language generally included a smile, especially when he got what he wanted.

Esther 2:9, 4:16, 2:15, shows us that Esther's qualities were wisdom, forebearance, compliance, humility, and cooperation. These were qualities that not only made King Xerxes choose her to be his queen, but also made her likeable among her female peers. Proverbs 21:1 reminds us how the Lord directs the king's heart. For without God, when all odds are stacked against her, Esther would likely not have been chosen queen.

What qualities do you want to be remembered as having?

Preparation

My son loves calendars. There are many reasons why I think this is true. Calendars are filled with numbers, he can see each month's holidays and other special days at a glance, and they show him a simple, concrete visual of time. Calendars allow me to prepare him, ahead of time, for events that are important to him. I can show him days when he won't have school. (He adores his current school and looks forward to going each morning.) I can show him when special family outings will take place. He is able to count down the days to each event. As a matter of fact, he just recently let my husband know what day we would be changing our clocks for daylight savings time because he saw it on his calendars. Yes, that is plural. Our little guy has several calendars that he has collected either as gifts or by free advertising of certain companies. Any change that our son is to experience must be introduced ahead of time to avoid meltdowns.

As believers, it is important for us to prepare our hearts for worship when we meet together in God's house. How do we do this? Get plenty of rest the day before. Get up early enough that your family isn't rushing out the door, but getting ready joyfully. Maybe put on some music as you dress and comb your hair. Stay silent if you have to in order to avoid conflict. Preparing for a worship that not only renews your spirit, but also honors our Lord is a discipline that benefits everyone.

Discipline

Disciplining a child with a developmental disorder that affects the way they think and process things can be very difficult. Even choosing whether or not to discipline about an issue in the first place can be difficult. As a parent, we want to teach them right from wrong so that they don't get hurt. We want to treat them like a typical child. Unfortunately, we can't always do that. Sometimes their actions are part of a behavior that they can't control. Some things my son does really aggrivate me, but how do I handle it? For instance, he's lately become more verbal with the help of his teachers and therapists. He can't help it that he has to ask me the same simple question 50 times in 1 minute. I'm ashamed to admit that I've tried spanking and yelling. I've even tried telling him nicely that I'm not going to answer him anymore and that he needs to be quiet. Nothing makes him stop until he's done with his verbal routine. He can't help it. I've certainly learned about patience and self-control.

It's so easy to be ashamed of ourselves, but if we know God we don't have to be. We can repent our sins and be thankful that our God is righteous. He forgives those who are truely sorry. Hebrews 2:11 tells us that Jesus is not ashamed of us. How wonderful is that?

Standing Out

My son can sometimes stand out in a crowd. When we are in a public place with typical children, they notice his differences, especially when he runs. If you've ever seen the episode of "Friends" where the character Pheobe invites another friend to run with her in the park and have seen how Pheobe runs so freely, you will get a better picture of how my son generally runs. If not, lets just say it's an interresting sight to behold with arms moving as fast as his little legs can carry him. There are times when other children can say hurtful things.

The bible tells us that Esther stands out in a crowd of pretty girls forced into the King's palace for the sole purpose of being chosen Queen of Persia. She wins the favor of King Xerxes' closest servant. Esther 2:9. She had Godly wisdom that emphasized her people skills.

Sometimes we can find ourselves in situations that we don't want to be in. How are we going to use our Godly widsom to make the best of a bad situation?

king & queen

My marriage is very important to me. Did you know that parents of special needs children have a high divorce rate? The stresses that come with it can easily tear couples apart. I do what I can to protect mine by scheduling time with my husband and by studying the bible and listening to what God has to say about marriage.

I'm currently studying the book of Esther. The beginning of the book introduces us to King Xerxes and Queen Vashti. Xerxes had invited a bunch of nobles and military leaders to their home in order to show all that he had obtained and his strength in leadership for 180 days! After the 180 days he held a banquet for these men and his wife Vashti held one for their wives for 7 days. Near the end of the 7 days Xerxes, being inebriated along with all of his guests, summons his wife. She refuses and he turns furious. Looking at who was invited and what was going on during this time, we are under the assumption that this party is a political move to prove his strength and worthiness to conquer other lands. So, when Vashti refuses, not only is she showing Xerxes disrespect, but she is also terribly embarrassing him in front of his guests.

Looking at Vashti's point of view, it is possible that Vashti may have been fighting for her dignity by refusing Xerxes summons. Are we to fight for our dignity or humble ourselves before God? As wives, we are the queens of our homes, but our husbands are the kings. It is in our best interest to submit to our husbands in obedience to God. If it is in our power to submit to our husband's requests (that are in line with God and/or are non-threatening) then we should do so. God will bless us and bring justice to any wrongdoing done toward us.

It is possible that the bad advice that Xerxes takes after Vashti's refusal is Xerxes' punishment for summoning her the way he did. Just as it was Vashti's punishment to be banished from the king's presence and a new queen chosen in her place was her punishment for disrespecting her husband in public.

Colossians 3:18 says "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."
Ephesians 5:33 says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Introduction

Many of us have different roles in our lives. My more prominent role in this life is that of a mother. I have a wonderful little boy who happens to have an autistic spectrum disorder. He is so very smart and I am so amazed by him everyday. I've always wanted a child of my own but didn't think I could get pregnant. So it was a real shock when I saw the two red lines. I had thought that I was just coming down with a bug. The nausea had lasted for two weeks before I took the test, but I still hadn't believed it to be because a baby was growing inside of me. Although it became a struggle fairly early in his young life, he has been a complete blessing in ours.

Just a few days ago, in the early morning hour, in the midst of dozing and falling into a deep sleep, I was reminded of a difficult time in my son's behavior. It was after his diagnosis and before he officially started school. It started small. He would consistently line things up. He seemed to be searching for some type of order. Then it moved on to him lining up two or three of our dining room chairs. Soon he was lining up all of our dining room chairs, and before we knew it, he was lining up every single chair in our home down the center of the house! After learning how to teach him through behavior therapy, I knew what I had to do. I needed to be strong and not allow the lining up. Any time he would move a chair away from it's original spot, I would immediately put it back, without a word. At first, he would laugh nervously. After some time, when he realized that I was going to continue putting chairs back, he started to cry and whine. After a month and a half of this-every day, several times a day-he finally gave up and hasn't lined up chairs since. (Yes, he still lines up small things from time to time.)

Sometimes we can behave like my son and constantly want to line up the chairs when they could bless our lives if we use them the way God intended. He loves us and wants to obey Him so that life will go well for us. Like a parent to a child. Col. 3:20 ; Titus 2:11-14; Titus 2:1-2.